He's back...

Just when you think it's safe. I couldn't believe it just a few minutes ago I got a "Tweet" from Omar!

He tells me that he's coming back to the valley, he did not say where he is now, but I'm sure that once he arrives all the gory little details will be filled in again. I'm not certain that I'm ready for the trauma or for that matter, the excitement. Well we shall see. He didn't say exactly what he's going to show up but trust me, it will be at some inopportune time.

I should have set the Israelis on him when I had the chance but then my international expertise seems to be lacking.

Stay tuned dear friends...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Where the hell???

Returned to the Tent, only to find that it has been abandoned.  Nothing living there, plants are all dead and the picture of Omar and Achmed is missing.

A quickly scribbled note on the table alludes to the fact that Omar has decided to take a sabbatical and return to his homeland for awhile... no indication of when he might return or if.

Odd, it is so silent without him here.  I think of him often and wonder of course how he is doing.  Perhaps he will write...  I miss him.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Lonely 'lil Arab...

Omar called me today asking when I might return to the tent... I told him that my journey had a while longer before it ended... He asked me "is it a 'Jihad'"?, Of course not, I said. It is pleasure...

After a somewhat ominous silence, he asked "a harem??", I laughed and said "I could only wish to be so lucky". More silence then I hear this little voice, "when you come back, I can help"... Scary, isn't it??

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

How do you cook this...

Well Omar is finally back.  Not too sure where he's been, but I didn't notice any new bruises or cuts or scrapes so I guess that makes it a good trip.

I did ask him what he had been hunting for and he told me that the prey he searched for was two legged.  That makes ya wonder a bit don't it??

Then he told me that it wasn't a human person that he was looking for but rather a bird that lives around the water...

When asking him to describe the bird, he casually said "It has a long neck and makes a strange sound and is Pink..."

                                                 Check This out...

We know about 'Pink' birds now don't we??  He said that he had seen pictures of them in some magazines I have in the tent.

Thinking back, I remember having some magazines and among them were some National Geographics.  

How do you spell "Flamingo"??  Here? in Oregon??? ya gotta be kiddin.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The Residue is gone and the table clean...

This is a disturbing video, according to Omar of Arabic torture...



When I got back to the tent this afternoon, the first thing I noticed was that the table was cleaned and no remnants of ‘bird’ remained.

I found a little piece of paper on the table, on it was scribbled, “Gone hunting”...

Very few things actually ‘scare’ me, but this little slip of paper has instilled a cold fear in my heart...

This could prove to be dramatic...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The Weekend Warrior...

Omar said he was surprised that I partook of the feast he prepared, I asked him "why is that".  He smiled and said "do you know what kind of bird that was??" I pondered that for a moment and said "No, what was it (knowing that I really didn't want the answer...".

Omar hung his head and sheepishly said " Costco Special $5.99".  I lost it... peed myself and almost collapsed... here I was expecting of course the very worst, maybe a Vulture, or a Seagull.  

I will get him back for that... trust me.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Not too bad, for an Arab...

I actually got brave enough to taste the 'bird' that he had roasted.

Surprisingly, it was quite good although I must admit that Omar has no idea of how to correctly use spices... I will have some suggestions for him after tasting this bird though.

He's been missing for the last day or two and of course that give bane to worry a little as Arabs and little children have a tendency to create havoc when not properly attended to.  Omar is particularly good at causing problems and rarely realizes that he did.  Clubs and anesthesia help to keep him calm though.

Hope you are all having a great day and if not... work on it !!!

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

A bird by any other name...

Upon arriving back at the tent, I was surprised to see the table set with a platter in the middle of it and what appeared to be a cooked bird of some type.

I asked Omar from whence came the fowl and of course, had to explain to him the term ‘fowl’. He said “It is a delicious bird that I present to you for your tasting”.

I moved closer to the table and was actually able to recognize the fowl in question. Omar smiled and asked if I wanted to eat now or later...

Bird begone...

Well... I had a pleasant surprise after getting back to the tent today, I went to the dungeon, basically to see if anything had changed and Lo and behold, not a feather in sight.

Surprised as I was, I was even more amazed as it looked as though Omar had swept and arranged things too.

Now and again the little bugger can surprise you without the benefit of terrorizing you at the same time.

Although not home, he did leave a note saying that he might have a guest coming for dinner?????? (I truly wonder who or what that might be)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Feathers... everywhere feathers

Oh Lord... I don't know what happened down in the dungeon, I didn't hear anything out of the ordinary, of course, with the massive wooden door closed I rarely do.

I thought I would meander down to the dungeon this afternoon after perusing some emails and chatting with my Sis.  When I opened the door, I didn't notice anything particularly out of place until I reached the bottom of the granite steps.

The view from the lamp was clear, though not bright (a lot like Omar).  What struck me was the feathers... it appears that they might be a mixture of Peacock and what looks like vulture.  I searched some and didn't find any corpse (I think that is what you call a defeathered critter).  

No blood or anything either so I have no idea from whence these feathers came nor do I know what purpose that they may have served...

I cannot wait for Omar to show up... As Desi would say, "Omar, you got some 'splainin to do".

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Where he might have gone??

I searched the tent high and wide but no sign of Omar.  He had mentioned earlier that he had something to take care of.

I suppose I will have to clean the place myself... so difficult to get and keep good help these days.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Fun times should have been had here...

 

Omar showed me this picture that caught his interest when looking thru the ones I took while in Daytona for the races.

He asked me if this was where my son and I were staying.  I had to reply "only in my fondest dreams did I get to stay there" he gave me a bit of a stange look.  

I am not certain how much Omar knows about such places, but 'Harems' should be familiar to him...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Omar is excited today...

Omar is happy today, it has been some time since Ralphy has been over to visit and Omar truly looks forward to these moments. Albeit Omar and Ralphy get along well, Ralph being somewhat curious of Omar, and Omar constantly begging to find out how to saddle up Ralph.

I told Omar "Ralph is NOT a minature camel nor is he a strange horse, but rather a dog and a personal pet." Evidently where Omar hails from dogs seem to be missing... perhaps they were shipped to some distant place. In any case, he has yet to come to grips with the fact that Ralph nor I will tolerate him being saddled and ridden...

Omar too has noticed that Ralphy is becoming very 'aged'... no longer does he randomly romp around and jump with unabashed joy... he's become an elderly statesman who no longer seems interested in the mundane activities of family life.

Once, Omar asked me "how long before Allah takes Ralphy??" I gasped and choked a bit and told him "Ralphy is a Christian you fool!!!" I can't for the world understand how Omar thought Ralphy might be muslim... damned idiot...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The Mighty little Arab...

Well, Omar discovered that I had gotten rid of the mess in the pan and was quick to question me as to why I had flushed it.

I told him "Omar, there are certain things that I can tolerate being cooked on my stove, but when they are still moving when I see them, that is taking things a bit too far...".

He said "You do not understand the custom of my land and the dishes that we eat to sustain our customs."

I said "Customs be damned... you ain't cookin no frickin roaches in MY pot on My stove !!!" with that heated reply, he meekly retreated and I decided that perhaps I needed a beer to cool the flames.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Back in the 'Groove'

Omar was up bright and early this morning... when I arrived back at the tent, he was cooking something on the stove.

I went over and peered into the pan and discovered what appeared to be some type of long fat beetles, not quite yet deceased, with little legs thrashing about while the butter that served as their bed was slowly melting.

Making a quick dive for the bathroom, I managed to regurgitate the English Muffin that I had eaten earlier.

With thoughts of murder lurking in the forefront, I sought to find the little Arab and see if I could close the opening he calls a windpipe... as luck would have it, he was nowhere to be found.

I got the pot and poured the mess down the toilet and quickly flushed it... It will be interesting to see his thoughts on that matter...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

He snubbed me for awhile...

Omar didn't talk to me much after the confrontation about his beard trimming and the blood letting that he did on his face.  

I left on the 11th for Daytona and he didn't even come out to tell me goodbye.

I got back on the 17th and when Del dropped me off at the tent, I gingerly opened the flap and just about fell over... The whole inside of the tent was absolutely spotless, floors swept till they were actually smooth, all the hangings on the wall had been dusted and straightened (keep in mind, Omar has a problem with 'level' and 'straight'... to him the reference line moves around a little.

There was a bowl of fresh, ??? fruit on the table and the paper was in my cot.

Omar soon appeared, obviously up from the dungeon but wearing a smile that stretched from ear to 1/2 ear (he lost part of the right ear in some confrontation with what he described later as a howling monkey on the back fence... 

He came over and bowed, then tripped on my foot and ended up face first in my lap... although a little embarrassed, he recovered rather well.  We spoke for a bit and he inquired as to my trip and I attempted to explain the process of Nascar racing... I could see that the concept of speed was lost to him as the fastest thing he'd ever been on was a broken down camel in a sandy lot.

I cut off the conversation after about an hour begging to accomplish some things before I retired for the evening.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Miffed... Monday rules buddy

Omar is mad...

Nothing new there, just the subject I suppose.  I asked him "what ya so pissed about anyway?".  He snorted and said "I ask you to trim my beard, you bring out monster clippers and scare me to death...".  I said "So". 

He tells me "So means I tried to do it myself and now my face looks like I got attacked by a 'Needle Ninja'... little bloody spots all over my face...".

I grinned and said "I think it's an improvement !!!", had to duck quick as he took a swing with a scimitar that was longer than he is tall...

Gonna have to sedate the lad and go thru his weapons cache... things get a little knarley around here when he is mad.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The evidence is here...

When I returned to the tent from my coffee time, I went to the bathroom to wash my face and in the sink, I found blood stains (I think) and various lengths of wiry grey hair (I assume to be beard).

My thoughts are that Omar took matters into his own hands regarding the trimming of his beard... by the amount of blood stain, I am assuming that he used the pointy scissors to trim with...

I always worry about him doing these things on his own as his past endeavors have proven to be ill conceived.  I didn't see him but then again that isn't too unusual.

I put some bandaids and antiseptic on the counter with hopes that he will take the hint...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

His eyes were the size of saucers...

Funny thing happened on the way to the forum today...  That is the way some comedians have opened their acts...

For me, the humor came in the form of a diminutive Arab with a penchant for the unusual.

Today, when I returned to the tent from my deliveries, Omar wasted no time in approaching me with a request.

He asked me "I would like for you to trim my beard as it has become unruly".  I thought for a moment and then asked him "when would you like me to do this for you??".  

He said "I would like to have it done as soon as you can because it is not good for an Arab of my stature to look so ragged".

I said, "give me just a moment" As I turned and left the tent.  I went to the shed and got a pair of electric hedge clippers and then returned to the tent.

As I entered the tent and Omar saw the hedge clippers, I swear hit eyes quadrupled in size, he lets out this horrible little scream and literally scorched the tent floor as he left the room...

I laughed so hard I pee'd myself and even now as I think of the expression on his face, I have to be careful... I can't wait till he comes back.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Curious George... Thats what Omar is...

Omar asked me this morning what 'Daytona' was and why was I so excited.  I told him "its a race of cars and one of the biggest events in Nascar", he asked "what is Nascar"... I told him "A lot like the camel races you had back in Saudi country", he says, "We weren't racing them, we were trying to catch them".  I should have known I suppose.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

He's bacccccccckkkkkkk...

Retuning from coffee this morning, I noticed that the tent flap wasn't fastened, I distinctly remember closing it as I left.

Upon entering, who should I see sitting crosslegged in the middle of the tent but my dear friend Omar... I asked him "hey buddy, where ya been and when did ya get back here?", he peered up at me with those large black eyes and scraggly beard and said "I was never gone"...

Well I says "Just where is it that you have been then?", he replied "I was in the dungeon and took a mystical journey".  This of course piqued my curiosity and I said "where exactly did this journey take you Omar??".

He said "to the land of 70 virgins", I coughed and almost choked on that one and then replied "there is no land of 70 virgins...", he tells me then "but that is what we were promised by Allah..".  I said "perhaps 70 virginians will be waiting for you?" 

He said, "No, they were virgins I am pretty sure".  Of course I could have debated this to no end but there was no purpose.

I asked him is he was going to still keep studying and pursuing his graduation from Grade School.  He said "I will study hard because I want to get my diploma before 'Achmed' comes again..." Needless to say, my blood started to run cold and my chest tightened a bit with that revelation.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Omar called...

Omar called this morning, I don't know who's phone he used, and told me that he is on the way back to the tent...I am not too sure when to expect him, but it will be interesting to hear of his adventures.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

A 'Sabbatical'...

Omar told me that he is preparing to take a Sabbatical which will allow him to recommit to his Muslim religion.  I asked him "How long you plan on being gone??".  

He said "I am not sure, sometimes it is short and other times shorter"... not sure what he meant, but if there isn't a new post for a bit, you will know that he's not back yet...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Not so Holy is the day...

Coffee was good, so was the half order of B & G.

Omar was busy reading the books again so I left his to his own devices... that could be a mistake.

Sundays remain a day for each of us to undertake whatever we individually choose to do so it appears that this day will remain quiet and hopefully uneventful.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Awwwww shucks...

Yesterday, after returning to the tent from various commitments, Omar was beside himself and quickly let me know that he was expecting me earlier and that he had something for me.

I sat down and he got the little box that was so neatly wrapped in color comics and handed it to me.

Gingerly would describe the method I used to unwrap this little gift from him.

Inside, I found a lock of hair, a little rubber ball and a small piece of paper with some arabic written on it.

I explained to Omar that arabic was not a language that I was able to read so he told me, it says "Everlasting greatness to the caretaker of my camel".  I smiled, gently, and thanked him... then I had to know about the 'lock of hair and the little rubber ball.'

He snickered a little bit and said to me "they were Achmed's".  Now I am both alarmed and amused and wonder just what part they played in Achmed's life...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Tis but a moment in time

Omar was absent this morning when I rose, I did call for him but alas, no answer...

Upon return to the tent I found a little box neatly (for Omar anyway) wrapped in a joyous piece of the Sunday color comics.

I asked Omar "whats the box for dude?"... He said, "Bossman has a birthday comin"..  I thought how nice that he should remember.  

Knowing that his financial condition is much like our national economy, in the tank, I wonder what he managed to conjure up for the "bossman"... time will tell.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Quiet in there !!!

Omar was banging on a pot with a wooden spoon and jabbering in Arabic when I got home so I told him to hold down the racket...

He came out and started looking under chairs and tables and the couch and I asked him what in the world he was looking for...

So he says "If I can find that 'racket' I will sit on it for you"... (ya gotta love a guy like that...)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Edimication is goot...

Omar has impressed me by really getting into the books I lent him.  He hasn't asked much in the way of guidance and seems content to look at the pictures and mumble to himself and from time to time exalt a loud "Ah Haaaa" or some other phrase that baffles me...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Study, study my little friend...

Omar was on the floor of the tent when I got back this morning, I had gotten him some kids books to help him get a better grasp of english.  He was working his way thru them.  

I asked him "do you need some help??", he said "no, I think it is OK and I am learning more about Jack and Jill...", I almost snickered but managed to suppress it.

We will keep you posted on his progress in this, his latest endeavor...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Adventures of the mind...

Omar declared this morning that he wants to go back to school and get his gradeschool diploma.  I told him that I though that was a good beginning and then asked what he ultimately wanted to accomplish academically.

He paused for a moment, scratched his chin and smiled and said "I have decided that I want to be a leader...", this of course made me wonder a little bit about who or what he might lead...

Given Omar's background and demonstrated lack of common sense, I get the impression that his idea of leading may not fall in line with what is generally accepted as 'leadership'.   We shall see I guess.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

A "Good" morning for me...

Ah, what can I say... Omar greeted me with smiles galore dancing a little jig and generally in a grand mood.

I was so pleased, I asked him "to what do we owe this period of joviality and happiness?".  He replied "I was so happy that I was here when I woke up this morning !!", suppressing an episode of insane laughter I managed to reply "well, that certainly is nice"... 

Omar looked at me rather quizzically and said "I had a dream and in the dream I was captured again by the 'FBI' only this time they made me make Pizza... a really big pizza too."

I chuckled and asked him what was so terrible about making pizza??  He said "I..." then went silent... No matter I thought and then wondered what in the world could cause this reaction to making pizza??  I will press the issue later.

As he was standing there, I got out the cobweb catcher and handed it to him and said "Time for you to gather the lunch"... he grimaced and took it... It's a private joke, you'd have to be Arab to understand.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The last of the dregs of 2008

Omar was up when I left the tent today for coffee... he didn't have much to say, although it appeared that he was doing a little more serious praying today...

When I returned to the tent just before midnight, Omar was no where to be seen, but I heard him... after searching the tent high and low I found him hovered under my cot and curled up in a ball...

He was whining and shaking and I asked him "what in the world is wrong..."  He said "IT'S THE END OF TIME, WE WILL ALL DIE"... Of course I was concerned and asked him "why will we all die?"... he replied to me "It is ended, there is no more of 2008 !!! we will perish."

I told him "No Omar, we won't perish, it just means that we will start a new year and it will be 2009".  He says to me "you mean we will still live tomorrow?", I said "barring any catastrophic events, the sun will rise in the sky, you will wake up grumpy and I will go to coffee".  He seemed sated by that explanation so I left him. 

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Poor baby...

Omar slept in this morning, probably a result of his ordeal yesterday... I left the tent to take care of the things I do on Tuesdays.

When I got back, Omar was up and watching cartoons.  I went over and turned off the tube and asked "Are you going to explain about yesterday's adventure???", he then said " I was picked up by the FBI and they questioned me about my activities...", I asked him " and what exactly did you tell the FBI?".  He mumbled something and then said "I tell them that I do nothing but keep up the tent and do things for you!". 

I then said to him "Why in the world would the 'Federal Bureau of Investigations' want to talk to you??" He quickly stood and shook his crooked little finger at me and says "NO !!! not 'Federal Bureau of Investigation, "Full Blooded Italians".... "Oh for craps sake I said, what in the world did they want?"

He tells me that they thought he had taken some silk hankerchiefs from the local Italian restaurant... So I asked him "where in the world did they get that idea??" he told me that he and Achmed had gone there for dinner one time when Achmed was visiting (before I threw him out of the tent) and that Achmed had filched a couple of them from the waiter".

I don't know where this will all end but for now I have a headache and Omar has a sore behind...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Upon return...

I got back from deliveries to discover Omar had returned from who knows where... funny looking too, he had some bandaids attached to his beard or what was left of it.  

I asked where he had gone and he said that he went out to check the mail yesterday and somebody in a big black car pulled up and opened the door and pulled him inside...  He said that they (whomever that might be) pulled a black bag over his head so he couldn't see where he was going...

He said he tried to get loose but they grabbed him someplace south of the border and he lost all desire to fight... I can only imagine.  He then said "I need to nap" and with that he trudged off... I am sure more will be revealed later.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

An Empty Tent...

When I returned to the tent from the morning coffee get together, I was greeted with an empty place.  I looked around for a note, but none was to be found.  It is unusual when Omar just disappears with no warning or indications.

I will go about the day and hopefully he will appear with some tale of woe or excitement depending on what he got involved with.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Evidence abundant...

After rising this morning, I went into the throne room to take care of business and happened to glance at the sink... little grey clippings were all over the place and a couple drops of what suspiciously appeared to be blood...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

"Christmas Day" excitement abounds...

Yesterday after I got back from finding some coffee, Omar was up and about and jumping around in abstract anticipation of the 'gift opening' that surely would follow.

I gave him his present, and in no time he had literally shredded the wrapping paper and was holding the box in which his gift resided...

He looked at me and eagerly tore open the box to reveal the gift... inside he found a dainty pair of scissors and a little comb and a nifty little brush.  He looked at them then at me, rather quizzically I must say.  I told him "It's a grooming kit for your beard..."  He said to me "but I am not getting married", I responded "No, Omar, not that kind of groom".  It took a bit of work but finally he understood what it was for.

He quickly scampered under the tree and returned with the 'gift' he had wrapped for me... upon closer examination I realized that Omar had no idea of how much tape to use to wrap a gift... let alone the fact that it was 'duct' tape.

My thought is that he used at least a full roll of that sticky stuff... He started to shout "Open it, Open it, Open my gift to you!!!".  I started to peel off the tape.  Almost an hour it took me to unwrap the gift, I was really tuckered out with all the effort.

Once I finally got down to the actual gift, I tore off the paper and what should I find... The single largest hair ball ever encountered by modern man... Needless to say I was taken aback... I asked Omar, "What exactly am I supposed to do with this???" He told me "It is a kit"... I says to him, "a kit to do what??" He tells me "to make a mohair sweater..." I was speechless, a condition I am not accustomed to.  

After a few moments to compose myself I told him "Thank you, Omar, that is very considerate of you".  With that, our Christmas gift session came to a close and I was left to wonder what might come next... after all, my birthday approaches soon and I don't know that I want him to know about it...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Christmas morning...

Christmas has made it's appearance... As I entered the main room of the tent this morning, it was a site to behold.  Under the tree what do I find but a little old Arab curled up in a tight little ball with a trail of cookie crumbs leading to the empty plate and a half full glass of warm milk...

I tippy toed over to him and peered at his semi cherub little whisker laden face and he looked... now mind you I say he looked pretty innocent (we all know that Omar is anything except innocent).

Looking down at him, I decided to let him sleep a little more and I snuck out of the tent to go search for a hot cup of coffee... The village, for the most part, looked deserted.  

I did manage to find an open 7-11 though.  After offering my condolences for them having to work on this most special holiday, I paid for my coffee and drove around to see if there were other unfortunate souls that were pressed into labor this day.  Shari's is open (now doesn't that just figure???).

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

... where did yesterday go??

Omar was up bright and early this morning and jumping up and down and screeching like a barn owl in labor.

I peered outside the tent and to my surprise the ground had disappeared and in its place was a soft blanket of snow... at least that explained the activities of the Arab.

Yesterday was a wash here at the tent, nothing neato happening here in the Oasis so there was really nothing to write about...

Omar has been pretty curious about the packages under the tree/bush/imaginary thingy.  As with many things in this blog, imagination is used to the extreme.  

There appears to be a large and rather interestingly wrapped present looming in the forefront and when I get too close to it Omar sets off a racket so I've kept my distance... Curious though...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

A certain 'serenity' exists today...

Omar has been oddly subtle this morning, no boisterous outbreaks or shrieking whilst running around the perimeter of the tent and no blasphemous outbursts.

I sense that he knows the importance of the upcoming Season... perhaps he is playing his cards close to his heart in the hopes of a bountiful holiday... one never knows with this devious little guy.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Keeping the score even...

Well, Omar is giddy this morning, I let him watch "The Christmas Story" last night and he was just enthralled with the BB gun and how it could destroy things... 

This worries me as he tends to act without forethought sometimes and that has often had disastrous results.

I did ask him what his plans were for the day and he responded "I think perhaps I will wrap up your 'big surprise'"  I still get shivers when I think of what that might be...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Absolutely freakin amazing...

You won't believe it... I don't even believe it !!  Omar got the last of the three good deeds accomplished in my absence (while at coffee)...

Somehow, he managed to find a snow shovel and shoveled the driveway to the tent... completely clear of snow.  I am so very impressed and pissed off.

He managed to shovel all the snow off the drive way ok, now it is an impenetrable snowbank in front of the driveway but on the street... No way can I drive over that thing...  I am giving him credit though - not for his intelligence, but at least for the effort expended.

Sorta reminds me when the kids were young and wanting to do something special to surprise Mom and Dad and in the process make this huge freakin mess in the process... that is one of the moments when you hug them and silently wonder why you had kids...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Smilin and beguiling ...

As I sometimes do, this morning I did a quick assessment of the tent with the sublime intention of finding something useful for Omar to accomplish today. 

He appeared from under some somewhat odd smelling covers to ask me what it was that I was doing.  I told him that in preparation of the upcoming holidays I wanted the tent to be in as good a condition as was plausible given that you can only do so much with canvas and sand.

As I was peering into his gruffy little face, I noticed the fact that his eyes had taken on an abnormal sheen, that prompted me to ask him what was he thinking about... He said "I have a big surprise for you from Santa"... I thought for a moment, and in a well kindled moment of fear, asked him "just what might that be?"

He snickered a bit and gave me this gleeming little smirk and said "It will be for you to find out".  As it was, I had things to get done so didn't pursue the issue at the moment.

Any clues?? ideas??? suggestions even would be handy as I have a feeling that doom is in the near future...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

I don't like it here...

Well, that is what came galloping out of the jowls of Omar this morning as he tippy toed across the tent floor and peered out the window.

I asked him where he thought he might rather be and quickly he told me that "any place warmer then here would be fine"... I offered up a couple suggestions for him but he failed to see the humor.

No good deed #3 yet so I will see how the rest of the day fares for him.  And me...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Camels, Stallions, Horses... what the heck??

Omar has been pacing around the tent now for about an hour.  I have tried to ignore his muttering and pacing but it's gotten to the point of unavoidable annoyance.

He has been this way since I clobbered him with a snowball when he went out to feed the livestock.  He was pretty hesitant to go out in the snow as he's never seen it before... I got him good too, knocked off his turban and when he bent over to pick it up I nailed him in the caboose.

I am pretty sure that the last of the three 'good deeds' will be awhile in appearing now.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Fear... what controls you???

I goofed up yesterday, I had taken out the vacuum cleaner to clean up a little mess on the tent floor and forgot to put it away... it was sitting near the tunnel that leads to the dungeon (where Omar lives).  

I didn't think about it all day yesterday and wouldn't have thought of it this day except I kept hearing this squeaky little voice and when I finally located it, it was Omar... he was begging me to move the monster so he could use the bathroom...

It is my thought that the episode with the whiskers is ever present in his demented little mind... Actually I felt bad not realizing that leaving the vacuum there would block his passage.

Heaven only knows how he managed to keep his drawers clean... he must have been in the bathroom for nearly an hour.  

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

2nd nice thing...

This morning after I returned to the tent, I found, on my easy chair, a pile of laundry... it was clean and I believe it was supposed to be folded, although it would appear that Omar was taught a far different method of folding clothes or perhaps none at all.

Either way, it was the effort expended that garnered him one more check mark on the good side.  If he can make one more then Santa will not put the lump of coal in his stocking.  I will speak to him later today about his efforts to appease the lord of christmas gifts.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

One out of three... I think.

Well, when I got up this morning there was a cup of tea and a cookie on a plate waiting for me beside my chair.  

I guess that Omar wants credit for '1' good deed.  At least the lad is trying and that is a good thing... two to go.


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The Mystic mystery of Santa...

Omar was buzzing around the tent this morning when I returned with Ralphy.  They both seemed happy to see each other and of course that made me feel good too.  

You see, Omar and Ralphy share the same bed which is kinda cute because Omar, being of diminutive size, seems to fit in the doggy bed just as well as Ralphy does.

As I was making my hot chocolate, Omar asked me "Who is this 'Santa' guy and why does he always go 'Ho, Ho, Ho'??, is it because he has a harem and is rounding up the women...??" , I choked on my hot chocolate and after a brief coughing spell I told him that Santa delivers toys to all the good children...

Omar thought for a moment then asked me "Well, does he deliver to good little Arab's too?"..  I pondered this for a moment then told him "There are no good little Arabs that I know of".  He quickly replied "I am a good little Arab aren't I?".

I told him that "Santa will likely be putting a lump of Coal in your stocking this year because of all the turmoil you caused here in the tent".  

He shuffled his slippers on the tent floor and had a pretty forlorn look on his face so I told him "if you could do 3 good deeds before Christmas, Santa might reconsider".  He gleefully jumped for joy, spilled my hot chocolate all over the floor and ran over to share the good news with Ralphy who until that moment had been soundly asleep.

I told him he needed to clean up the mess so he headed off to the cleaning supply closet to get some rags.

I am a little worried about what 3 good deeds Omar will come up with... I shall keep a wary eye on him.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Odd, I didn't know that it could...

How very strange... I was chatting with Omar this morning and happened to notice that his beard is no longer wrapped in bandages.  That wasn't the odd part really, upon closer inspection, it actually appeared that his beard had black and blue marks on it.  Perhaps it was an illusion.

I don't know what plans the little Arab has for the day, he didn't volunteer any information and I didn't press the issue...

The thought of asking him to vacuum again passed without me acting on it, I did have to giggle though.


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Tender, oh so tender...

Omar is keeping a low profile today.  He has his beard wrapped in a bandage today as though the whiskers need to heal from their traumatic experience yesterday.  He really hasn't said much today, mumbled something about his jaw hurting... I can only imagine.


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The attack of "Kirby"...

As I was getting ready to leave the tent this morning, I gave Omar instructions that I wanted him to vacuum the tent floor as his traipsing in and out had made quite a mess of things... He nodded that he would accomplish this mundane task in my absence so I left.

After having a few cups of McDonalds worst coffee I decided it was time to return to the tent and see about the progress that Omar was making.  

As I got out of the car, I detected an odor like burning trash and noticed some slight tendrils of smoke coming from around the tent flap.

As I approached the flap I heard this terrible shrieking and humming noise coming from within the tent.  As I quickly entered the tent what should I see but Omar, on the floor, on his back with the smoking vacuum cleaner lying on top of his writhing form and the business end of it covering his turban covered head.  

I quickly went to the wall and unplugged the vacuum and then went over to lift if off Omar's prostrate form.  I couldn't seem to lift it off his face without his head following it so after closer examination, I saw that Omar's beard, or what was left of it seemed to be wrapped around the beater bar of the vacuum.

After a lot of screaching and thrashing around I was able to untangle his beard from the beater bar and finally was able to extricate Omar from the vacuum cleaner.  I sat the vacuum to the side and helped Omar up from the tent floor.  Although definitely worse for wear, his beard or what was left of it was still attached to his wretched face.

I couldn't help feeling sorry for him and after fixing him a hot toddy, I asked him how in the hell did the vacuum cleaner manage to eat half his beard??? He tells me that many times he watched me use the vacuum cleaner and observed how it managed to make the mess on the tent floor disappear and he really wanted to know where the mess went.  

Well, it seems that whilst the vacuum was running, he turned it over and wanted to make a close inspection of the dirt eating part of it... You can imagine the rest... I tell ya, I should write a book about these episodes of his...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Beastly beauty anyone??

This afternoon, Omar was sitting on the tent floor and going thru some pictures... I asked him what the pictures were of and he said "my girlfriend sent them to me" and then asked if I would mind putting one up for you all to admire...

He showed me the picture and after a few moments of wretching and doing a lousy job of hiding it, I told him sure, I would post it for him... (Giving Omar access to a computer could indeed end up changing the world as we know it today).  

So here it is or she is or something... be sure to post all the flattering comments you can think of as I remain speechless at this time.


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Solitude seems to be the theme today...

It isn't often that I can make it thru a day without Omar causing some unforseen problem for me, but so far today he's kept a pretty low profile.

With any luck, it will remain that way for the rest of the day but then again who knows what lurks in the heart and soul of a demented Arab??


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Achieving an 'altered state'...

Omar has kept a relatively low profile since his experience in the world of electricity.  He seems to avoid the lamp now, I do believe that he's developed a healthy respect for its ability to 'enlighten him'.

When I got back to the tent from delivering meals, he was sitting cross legged on the floor on a little rug and had his hands clasped in his lap and he seemed to be far away...  I asked him what he had been up to in my absence and he pondered for a moment and then he said "I have achieved Divinity"... Now this took me aback as him being a devout Muslim, I didn't think that he would be associating with a certain "Christian religious state..." I pursued an explanation.

How, said I, can you possibly achieve the state of Divinity, when as an Arab, you are so closely associated and deeply rooted in the teachings of the Muslim holy book, the "Koran"??? 

He then slyly pointed to the plate on the counter, the plate that normally held my Christmas candy and which had, when I left this morning, been piled with fresh pieces of divinity fudge... but now was glaringly empty.

I chased him around the tent for the better part of 15 minutes until he sneakily exited the flap... Revenge will be mine....

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

A shocking event...

The lamp in the tent had a burned out bulb in it and I had steadfastly managed to ignore that fact until this morning.  Omar was up early, that in itself being a surprise to me and I mentioned to him that the bulb needed to be replace as it was burned out.

I then proceeded to put on my shoes and the next thing I hear this 'pop' and 'sputter' and "Aieyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeee" and look over and there is Omar spazzing out and his eyes were bulging out of his head, the hair was standing strait on end and his skin had taken on a translucent tone so that the bones in his skeleton were semi visible.  I quickly looked at his hand and there for the whole world to see was his finger sticking in the socket where the bulb had been.

I pulled out the plug from the wall and Omar collapsed in a pile on the tent floor... I knew it had to really affect him as it was apparent that he had lost total control of his bladder as he was laying in a puddle of yellow liquid.

After he came to, I asked him what he was thinking, putting his finger in the socket... He tells me that there was something shiny in the bottom of the socket and he was trying to get it out...

Some things are best left alone I told him... After making sure that he was OK, I handed him the mop... Dumb assed arab.


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The Beginning of the Saga of 'Omar'

As one might imagine, Omar is 'not' without challenges in his life, both those that affect his mental judgment but also his physical well being...

With that thought in mind, I will attempt to pen his adventures as they occur and that may or may not be on a daily basis...

Your comments on his misadventures are welcome as always...

• • • • • • • • • • • •